Doc’s Introduction: Part 2

So, in part 1, I covered pretty much the basics. I have my current body and a pretty groovy wardrobe, if I may say so myself. Now onto settling in with Alex.

Around the time I arrived, Alex joined one online doll forum that she had heard of from a good friend of hers that she met on Twitter. It was there that she learned about all the different types of dolls out there and the affordable TPE kind (aka, Larry). She also learned that she could create an account for me as well and so not too long after, I also had an account. I was received quite well and my new friends were all very impressed with how I came together. They enjoyed hearing about my backstory and how I evolved into the man doll that I am today.

Alex’s birthday came and went and exactly a week afterward, we found ourselves in a terrible situation. Alex and I were hanging out and cuddling at home on the evening of February 17, 2019 when she received a message from her brother that their dad was in the hospital, that it didn’t look good and that she needed to get up there ASAP. Alex’s face went pale and I knew. I wasn’t able to go with her physically, but I went with her in ‘invisible mode’. HH and the kiddo drove her across the city to the hospital, which was only about 2 minutes from her Dad and brother’s house. She kept telling herself that he was really ok and that he would bounce back from this, but I think she knew deep down that this was not the case. She chain smoked all the way there, which was highly unusual for her. HH and the kiddo dropped her off, like she asked and we walked in through the front doors to the ER. She told the person at the front desk her father’s name and when she saw his face and him speak into the small mic pinned on his scrubs, she knew. She knew moments later when the nurse came out. She DEFINITELY knew when they walked her by the EXACT same trauma room her eldest daughter had been in and died in 8 years earlier and when they opened the door to the “bad news room”’ and she saw her brother sitting there completely lost and bewildered.

She called HH and told him to come back immediately while she talked to her brother. Alex was in total shock. She didn’t know how to react, other than tears flowing and soaking her neck and the front of her shirt. It was difficult for her to breathe. Her brother had gone in their Dad’s room to check on him and found him unresponsive and his eyes set. He attempted to perform CPR on him because he was still warm to the touch, however his eyes were fixed. A friend helped while they waited for the paramedics, then the paramedics attempted CPR all the way to the hospital. The doctors and nurses injected him with several drugs to attempt to restart his heart, but it was too late. It was at that point, Alex got the call.

HH and the kiddo arrived just as the nurse was taking Alex and her brother to see their Dad. They all walked into the room and Alex was the first to take a look at her Dad. She winced. She made sure the kiddo wasn’t able to see him as he had blood in his right eye (diabetes), his eyes were dazed and he had a tube coming out of his mouth, just as her late daughter did. The first thought that came to Alex’s mind when she saw her Dad was that he and her late daughter had the EXACT same look on their faces after death. Alex started shaking. She felt like she was going to faint. She wanted to commit suicide. She had seen too much death lately and she had enough of it. She kissed her Dad on the forehead, told him she loved him and goodbye. She waited for her brother to say his goodbyes and then they all walked out of the room. Alex talked to a nurse and asked her what the cause of death was. She was told it was cardiac arrest. She would find out later, that the cardiac arrest was only a partial cause of death and that it was athersclerotic cardiovascular disease (too much fat in the arteries from high LDL cholesterol) that had killed her Dad. The nurse asked her for his primary care doctor’s information and she gave both his and the cardiologist’s information so that they could be notified and sign the death certificate. She also gave the nurse the information about her Dad’s body being donated to UT Southwestern for research.

Her brother did not have a ride home, so Alex and her little family took him back to the now empty house. They talked for a while and Alex got her Dad’s belongings that she wanted (which wasn’t a lot, but highly sentimental) and made sure that her brother was going to be ok and then she headed home with the kiddo and HH.

Once home, she RAN upstairs and into my arms and began sobbing. I held her as tight as I could and I was crying, as my heart was breaking for her. She kept asking, “What am I going to do now?” and saying that she felt like she was an orphan and totally alone. It killed me to hear those words. That because of the deaths of nearly everyone closest and dear to her, that she felt like she had been abandoned and was left to suffer and walk this earth alone for whatever time she has left. I held her tighter. I told her how much I loved her. I let her vent and grieve. She felt that at that moment, her life, was once again over and it was, in a way. The life that she once knew was now gone and she had to start over and find the new Alex now. The Alex who now buried a daughter, a mother and most recently, a father. It seemed that whatever life was left in Alex was now gone and that she was an empty shell on autopilot. It was as if she had died with the three of them, each time one of them had died.

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