I was born and raised in the San Joaquin Valley, where I lived with my twin brother, Larry and my parents. I graduated from San Joaquin Valley High School in the early 90’s and then made my way down to Manhattan Beach’s El Porto neighborhood where I attended El Camino Community College for two years. Yes, I had the long hair and the groovy sideburns back then. The only thing that has changed is my age, place of residence and marital status; everything else has pretty much stayed the same.
While in college, I tried the dating scene. It didn’t work out too well for me. My first ex girlfriend left me for some douche-bag billionaire in order to boost her social status and wound up by getting dumped by him a short time later and my second ex girlfriend was a snobby junior district attorney who constantly looked down her nose at me and only paid me visits when she wanted her secret ‘hippie love thrills,’ if you catch my drift. Damn, if that doesn’t sound like a pro-bono (or pro-boner, whichever you choose) gigolo, I don’t know what does! Anyway, I wish them both well and hope that they are happy in their current lives.
After those two failed relationships, neither which lasted more than a few months, anyway, I tried to pick up chicks at the beach up the street from my old apartment. That didn’t work out too well either. Most of them would look at me, point, laugh and say things like, “Like, OMG, look at him! Did he just step out of the 70’s,” or how about this one: “Look, it’s one of those dirty, filthy hippies!” Talk about ouch! No I did not just step out of the 70’s and I am actually quite clean for a hippie, thank you very much!
By this point, I was approaching my thirties and decided that if no one wanted me in my twenties, that they most likely wouldn’t want me as I got older, so I was headed for a life of dedicated bachelorhood. Larry had come to live with me and become a partner in the P.I. Agency that I had started and built up to where I was now getting some pretty decent work. Things started to settle down and I became accustomed to single life and actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed working with my brother and having him around, even though he can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes. We would smoke pot together, order take out almost every night, sneak down to the beach and set off fireworks occasionally, sit on the beach and ponder life. On our days off, we would head down to the beach and look at all the hot chicks and wonder why we could never manage to bring one or two home.
It was on those days that I began to long for someone to love me. Larry would go out and continuously flirt with some of the ladies, only to come back sad and rejected. I had given up on that a long time ago. It got to the point where we would just sit there, in the sand, barefoot, shirtless, only wearing our underwear, jeans, hats and sunglasses. Our long and curly locks blowing in the cool and gentle sea breeze. Just a couple of sad, desperate, lonely hippies looking for their hippie chick to love them in return and of course have wild and crazy, epic hippie sex and make adorable hippie babies! But no such luck for us. It felt as if we were the only two guys at the beach who couldn’t find someone to love, or even have sex with. At that point, that would have been nice.
Larry and I had always had a ‘thing’ for redheaded chicks. Sassy, brassy, spicy, sexy, fun and freckled. Didn’t matter if she was short, tall or in between. Didn’t matter if she was fit or fluffy. If she had the red hair, it’s pretty much an instant boner for Larry and I. However, if any of you have ever lived in California, most of the chicks are blonde or brunette and know that they are the hottest thing around so they will most assuredly reject you unless you look like Brad Pitt and George Clooney (in their prime) or Zac Efron and Channing Tatum. Definitely not Larry or I. We don’t even come close. We bear more of a resemblance to John Lennon and Ray Manzarek.
Things changed though, in June 2013, when I was working a case in Texas. It was there, a random chance encounter in her hometown, that I met Alex one beautiful summer day and we’ve been together ever since. I handed over the agency to Larry and he continued to work and live on the beach until he joined us earlier this year.
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