I’m Not Ready to be a Father

No, this is not a pregnancy announcement, but we have entered into the season of love. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and there will be a surge of pregnancies and births this Thanksgiving season, lol. Alex and I have sat down and talked about starting a family, but I am just not ready yet. I think a lot of it is based on fear and what she has gone though. We had started talking about it before her incident and she is on board to wait and not start a family with me just yet. I also want her, Doc and Larry to be able to form a wonderful bond with Victor and Victoria.

I am afraid of seeing her go through the pain of labor and birth. I have fears of complications in the pregnancy. I have doubts that I would be the father that my future child deserves. Doc, Larry and Alex all reassure me that what I am feeling is definitely normal for first time fathers. We almost lost her three weeks ago and I don’t want to take that risk again. I also am not sure that I am ready to take on the responsibility. For so long, it has just been me, and recently it has been me and Alex and I like where we are at, at the moment. We haven’t even married yet, we are still engaged. However, we do refer to one another as husband and wife, because we know that is going to happen this year, sometime.

I am also very happy to dote on my niece and nephew. I can learn the basics of child care by helping my brothers and Alex take care of them and maybe it will prepare me and calm some of my fears. They are both very precious to me and I want to be a cool and good uncle. I also know that I am not getting any younger and the longer I wait, the more the possibility that I may not be able to successfully impregnate Alex. I have taken that into consideration. It is a battle that constantly goes on in my head and heart. I know that Alex and I would have options at a fertility clinic, if that need be, but like I said, I’m not quite ready to cross that bridge yet, but maybe someday, before it is too late, I will be.

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