After going through one hell of a roller-coaster at work, since mid-November, Alex finally left her job on the 4th. She was tired of the head games that were going on, but even more-so of the fact that she was not allowed to accurately do her own job and kept being pulled off important projects to pick up the slack of those who did not want to do their job. Then there is the fact that a promotion was offered, then taken away and dangled over her head until she felt it was no longer worth it to wait, only to have it taken away again. She was humiliated and her knowledge of dolls was never trusted. She gave everything she had to this job and wonders why she was even hired in the first place.
My brothers and I watched her go through hell. Not only due to her job, but due to the fact that it was around the ten-year anniversary of her eldest child’s tragic death. The holidays and New Year are always hard, but it also seemed like a certain family member wanted to make things even harder on her. Said family member is not one of the household, just so you know. Nonetheless, this family member did something very selfish that not only hurt Alex, but their own children, in the process.
Alex began to lose her passion for the doll world. Negativity in many forms began to overtake her. The demons of self-doubt, self-hate, feelings of worthlessness began creeping further in. My brothers and I tried to help her and be supportive, but it was like watching this rapidly swirling black cloud of demons begin to shut her in and all she could do was just stand there, blind, and helpless, fading into the darkness.
But then she opened her eyes and this light shone through them so bright that it was able to blast the demons back a little. They are still there, but she is still fighting. She had to walk away from that job and accept the fact that she cannot save the family member in question. Those were some of the hardest decisions she has had to make. But in order to save herself, she needed to.
It is ironic that the most selfless person is often accused of being selfish by those who are not longer able to drain and use them. It is when the selfless person begins to set boundaries that they are mislabeled severely. My wife is not selfish. She spent her entire life putting herself on the backburner and taking care of everyone and everything else. Now that she is falling apart and needs to put herself back together, she is accused of being selfish. It pisses me off to no end!
My wife does not have an ego problem, although she now believes she does, due to listening to the wrong and very toxic person who told her so. She does not need to be taught a lesson in humility, as she is a wonderful example of humility itself. She does not see herself as above anyone else; as a matter of fact, she sees herself BENEATH everyone else. She feels her purpose in life is to serve others, even if it means she is destroyed in the process.
I refuse to sit here and watch her be destroyed. I will do whatever I have to do to help her find herself and hopefully find joy again. Whatever she needs, I will gladly provide.
She hopes to get back to focusing more on the blog, plus the photography and now the videography and editing aspects. She wants to continually improve the content she works so hard to bring to the table. Alex also has already gotten back in the swing of cleaning regularly again. Her first day after leaving her job, she cleaned her bathroom. The next day, after taking kiddo to school, she came home and immediately cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, cleaned the dining table and the wet bar; she even washed her new comforter again, as it was time to do so. We could smell the fresh cleaned areas upstairs for hours! Yes, she is THAT meticulous.