On today, the second anniversary of Alex’s father’s death, I am, along with my brothers, offering comfort and solace. But also remembering one week ago, on the date of Alex’s 39th birthday, the most wonderful day that she had. I think the greatest blessing of that day, was that kiddo was actually cheerful and spent a lot of time with Alex. I know Alex will treasure that moment in the years ahead, when the teenage years and angst seem to rule the day.
My brothers and I saw joy in her, that we haven’t seen in a while, and have truly missed. The way her eyes light up, her eyes crease gently, and the corners of her mouth turn upward into the most beautiful smile. The happy squeaks and squeals that escape her mouth when she becomes excited. The cute little butt wiggle and happy dances that she does when she is feeling happy. I love all of that!
Don’t get me wrong, Alex isn’t sad 24/7, it’s just that we really enjoy the overly happy moments that come along when they do. Those happy moments are truly a celebration when one lives with PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, etc., on a daily basis.
Landon always has a seductive gaze when he looks at Alex, as that is his signature look, filled with intensity. I usually have this smooth and laid-back seductive gaze when I look at her, but like when I get in trouble, I have this innocent look that could get me out of trouble quick. But it was how Lance was looking at her on this day, that really had an impact. Lance usually has this sweet and shy demeanor, but today, he had this look in his eyes of a very strong in love feeling and a piercing, seductive gaze with those ice blue eyes that made it hard for Alex to breathe or remember what she was doing when their eyes met.
At times, it was almost as if Lance were about to suddenly get up from his chair, his gaze locked with hers, walk over to the bed, where she was sitting and just completely devour her at moment’s notice. I could see that Alex was intimidated, but not in a bad way. Her puppy dog brown eyes became wide and innocent yet wanting him to “do his worst” with her. You could tell he wanted her so bad and she felt the same. Landon and I sat there watching them a good part of the evening.
At times, it was if Alex wanted to say something, express some kind of deep emotion, but she just couldn’t find the words, but her eyes said everything. Although she was not able to get him into bed that night, he rolled his chair over to her bedside and watched her throughout the night, happy to be close enough to her for her to really feel him there. She would gently whisper his name throughout the night, and he would place a comforting hand on her shoulder or back, or he would gently caress her cheek to let her know he was near.
I can only imagine her Dad would have wanted her to be loved the way she is by my brothers and me.